In reality, I have no idea if networking is not working, because I try my hardest not to partake in such a reckless activity.
Unfortunately, networking is one of the most integral parts of the entertainment business. It's all about who you know--(or, more accurately, who you don't want to know but pretend to like because you plan on using them).
The rudiments of networking are as follows: you have something that I want (position, power, access, skills), and in return, I have something useful to offer you (let's face it, in most cases: boobs, butt cheeks, or a whole lotta of moola). With our powers combined, we'll make magic happen! (Either that, or summon Captain Planet.) Yeehaw!
Sounds easy enough on paper, but its application doesn't always go smoothly. When I was younger and full of pesky optimism and dreams, I whored myself out like a dummy. Any old chump or chumpette was a golden ticket in my eyes. I'd brazenly start up a conversation with anyone.
"Hi, I'm Diana!...N-no...with an 'a' at the end, like the Princess. Yeah! Anyway, I'm special. You should know me because I'm going places and if you help me get there I'll help you right back!" *wink*
Then, as I got older and wiser, I realized that most chumps and chumpettes were in the same small, pathetic boat that I was in, rowing their hardest against an impossibly strong current. What I needed to do was hop on someone's luxury, high speed yacht. So I got smart about it. I got selective about it. I'd only target those who didn't appear to be of the chump variety.
"Hey, I'm Diana! No, it's DianA...with an 'a'...you know what? Not important. Anyway I love your work! Here's my business card...picture's a little old and I need to update it but, it's...uh...wait, where are you--? Hey! You forgot to take my card!"
Now that I'm even older and (arguably) even wiser, I understand how categorically stupid I used to be. Like when Adam and Eve first became aware that they were giving a free show--only worse. It's as if they not only realized they were naked, but not very well-endowed, at that.
There I was, strolling through parties, chatting it up on sets, striking up conversations in classes, all the while completely oblivious to my less-than-impressive entertainment-business-nudity. I thought I'd been "working out," you know, beefing up my resume, gaining valuable work experience, becoming a more well-rounded psuedo-artist, but in reality, I stood there, prepubescent, with nothing to show except my love handles of inexperience and unconcealed newbie cellulite.
After this grim realization, I immediately altered my networking approach. This is what my conversations have sounded like henceforth:
"..............................."
Yes, that's right. Silence. Because I've learned through much embarrassment that this is the best way to network.
And, being the hardened old turkey I am now, I look back on my lively spring chicken days with amusement.
Exactly how I mustered up the courage back then to advertise myself like one of those sign-spinners on the side of the road is beyond me. Pardon the cliche, but in my case, ignorance definitely was bliss.
The traditional way of networking takes gall and balls that I now clearly lack. It works on a number of assumptions:
A. You have something to offer that's different from all the other thousands of schmucks in this town
B. If your target actually engages in conversation with you, they're interested in you for your talents in the field and not your talents in bed
C. You are successful enough that you don't need to network (when the whole reason you're doing this is precisely because you're so desperate)
This method simply requires way too many things that I loathe:
1. Direct eye contact
2. Feigned interest/enthusiasm in what the other person is saying
3. Talking to strangers (from childhood I was told this is ill-advised)
My new, improved networking technique boasts better, more intelligent assumptions:
A. You are NOT the next big thing (thinking so is a classic rookie mistake)
B. If your target wants to engage in conversation with you, they will--no point in forcing yourself on anyone
C. You are as necessary to them as an appendix to a human body
By following these recommended guidelines--
1. Only speak when spoken to
2. When spoken to, play it cool
3. Burp sparingly
--you will create an air of mystique and importance and thus effectively fool passersby into thinking that you're not actually a desperate, penniless nobody only at the party for the free hors d'oeuvres, but in fact, a smart and talented up-and-comer with whom they should rub elbows.
If you are able to successfully make a new contact (and with the prevalence of Facebook these days, it's easier than ever), who knows when the supposed benefits of your relationship will take effect?
In most cases, it's like getting your annual physical exam at the doctor's office (up to you whether or not you conduct an actual physical exam with your new buddy *wink wink*). You rarely see each other, but 10 years down the line you'll discover it paid off to keep up your regular visits when s/he realizes what's wrong with you and refers you to one of the best specialists in town. Your sexual dysfunction is finally cured and you find yourself in the best shape of your life! It'd be like staying chummy with another actor for years when he's finally able to help you out by giving you a strong recommendation to a top-tier agency.
Other times, the benefits roll in a bit more quickly, like going to the doctor's to treat a sprained ankle. There is a specific purpose to be fulfilled, and once the visit's over, you make an appointment for a follow-up but then get lazy and ditch it in favor of some alone time eating twinkies and watching Family Matters reruns. Like when a small-time producer is in dire need of more bodies for a music video and begs for your help. After 12 grueling overnight hours of pretending you're having an awesome time sleep-dancing next to strange, sweaty men in your 4-inch stilettos, you leave with their promise that you were amazing and they will be in touch with you in the near future for more fantastic projects. As it turns out, you never speak to or see this person again--and you wouldn't have it any other way.
Of course, the very best way to meet someone of importance is also the least likely. It'd be like walking to your car in the Kmart parking lot and getting knocked unconscious by a wayward shopping cart, right in front of an experienced (and apparently cheap) doctor who promptly performs CPR, thus saving your life. You can attend a million mixers, casting director workshops, and even stroll aimlessly down Hollywood Blvd. in the vain hopes of being "discovered," but nothing beats being accosted by a well-known casting director with your mouth full of cheeseburger at an obscure gas station on the way to Bakersfield. She's been searching high and low for the perfect fit to a starring role in a major motion picture and by golly it's you! What a lucky coincidence that she stopped for gas on the way to visit her dear Aunt Millie. Your life has just been forever altered--and all because you were too irresponsible to fill up your tank beforehand like your mom told you to do.
So, yes, networking can be a valuable tool in getting ahead. Just be patient--most of the time, its effects, if any, might not be seen for years to come. What you should truly be aiming for is continuing on your path of pseudo-artistry excellence by conducting your usual routine of bettering your craft. Who knows? You just might end up getting ridiculously, mind-blowingly lucky by being in the right place at the right time. Keep in mind, however, that this can only be accomplished by being your underachieving, misguided, screwed-up self.
So go forth and try your best to notwork--you'll be amazed at the results.
